when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
