its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
