I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
