I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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