Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize