I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
