If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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