just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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