I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
