i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize