you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my liver is dry heaving
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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