Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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