You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
