Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
