I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
