I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
