You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
