Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
