$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
