if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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