Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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