my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
