ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
