ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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