the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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