if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
