Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
