I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
