I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
