its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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