Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
