Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize