so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize