I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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