At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She bit a glass in half.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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