Best friends brother. Beat that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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