george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
