So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize