i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
