So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
