i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
