look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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