I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
