can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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