just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm always down for nudity.
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