i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
