i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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