I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
