Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
