The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize