I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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