$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
