if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize