Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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