True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
