well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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