1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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