New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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