you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
