I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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