I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
