morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dicks are not precious.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
