I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
