We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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