goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
