My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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