It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
