cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I lost the right to judge tonight
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
